if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will be naked everywhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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