NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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