sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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