you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
