I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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