it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
