In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
