Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Small penises have feelings too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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