so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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