Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
