I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
