Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
