well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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