Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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