I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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