im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
