I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
