For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
