why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
