I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
