So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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