You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
