Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
