I cannot find my penis.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
