apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
