I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
