my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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