careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
