I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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