Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
White coat. Heels.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize