Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My breasts were aching with rage.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
