I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
