Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
