Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
