Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
