operation harelip BJ is a go
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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