When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
as a side note pls kill me
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