Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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