The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
