Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
