drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize