Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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