do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't notice because vodka
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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