Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
