Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
