my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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