fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
