i would punch a child for taco bell
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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