My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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