i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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