I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
