As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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