have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
