i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
