Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
