i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
