did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
