i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
