Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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