roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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