her vagina looked like bernie madoff
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
