he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
