i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
