No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
