He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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