So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
