so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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