the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize