my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
