Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
