a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
