I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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