Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
