we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
