I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize