In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
