We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
