u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
