I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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