i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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