the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
