now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
foreskin is a definite game changer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
