We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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